18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

1 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

3:18: I will use the words submit/respect interchangeably (cf. Ephesians 5:33: respects). I know that they are not exact equivalents, but I believe that both words convey Paul’s overall teaching on this subject. So, what does it look like for Jesus to reign in the lives of wives? Let me make two observations.

First, wives should respect/submit to their husbands like Jesus respects/submits to the Father (who is the head of Christ; cf. 1 Corinthians 11:3 and Ephesians 5:23: husband is the head). When we say that the Father is the head of Christ it means that the Father has authority over the Son. This doesn’t mean that Jesus was/is inferior to his Father. Jesus, the Son of God, is equal to the Father in essence—they are both divine, but nevertheless, he respects/submits to His Father (John 14:28; 1 Corinthians 15:28). 

Second, wives should respect/submit to their husbands as long as he is following the Lord (cf. Ephesians 5:22: “as to the Lord.”) (Wives should not submit to any forms of abuse.) There’s a lot of grey area here because a wife can always claim that her husband is not following the Lord. But this isn’t the heart of Paul’s teaching. The center of Paul’s teaching is this: wives respect/submit to their husbands as a response to Jesus reigning in their hearts.  

3:18-19: When husbands love their wives it’s much easier for wives to respect/submit to them. Perhaps this is why In Colossians Paul limits his exhortation to husbands with one simple word: love. When Jesus reigns in the lives of husbands, men simply and profoundly love their wives. So, what does this love look like? Because Ephesians 5:22-33 develops the idea of husbands loving their wives, the following discussion draws observations from this passage.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul provides more instruction for husbands than he does for wives. This means that the husband’s role goes far beyond simply asking/waiting for his wife to submit to/respect him. From this passage, I will make two comments about the impact of Jesus reigning in the lives of husbands. 

First, husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the Church (5:25). This kind of love is unconditional (and does not keep a record of wrongdoings). It’s sacrificial love because husbands should place the needs of their wives before their own. It’s the type of love that is active (not passive). Husbands should prioritize the overall well-being of their wives and encourage them to reach their potential in life.  

Second, husbands are the spiritual leaders in the home (5:26-30). Paul exhorts them to “sanctify” their wives “by the washing of the water with the word” in order for them to be “holy.” (5:26-27) Just as Christ spiritually nourishes and renews the Church, so too should husbands encourage the development of Christ-like character in their marriages.       

3:20-21: How does Jesus reigning in the hearts of the family transform the relationship between children and parents? In addition to Colossians 3:20-21, Exodus 20:12/Deuteronomy 5:16 and Ephesians 6:2 discuss the roles of children and parents. Paul’s command to the Colossians is different than these biblical passages in three ways. 

First, whereas the Old Testament connected honoring parents with the blessings of living in the land, Colossians highlights Christ-centered focus (“pleases the Lord.”) Second, Paul exchanges “obey” for “honor” (the former being a stronger word than the latter.) Third, Paul’s command (“in everything”) is universal (children should not obey their parents who encourage them to sin; cf. 3:21). 

“Fathers” (3:21) are addressed because of their authority (especially over their children) in the homes. Today, in most countries, it’s fitting to include mothers in this warning. Parents should not provoke and arouse their children because they will easily be discouraged (cf. Proverbs 25:23; Deuteronomy 21:20). 

In a parallel passage (Ephesians 6:4), Paul’s warning to parents is stronger: we should not “provoke [our] children to anger.” Most parents are well-meaning in their attempts to raise their children and develop various skills, but some overbearing and unhealthy parenting will only create discouraged and angry children. When Jesus reigns, however, parents raise their children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

3:22-4:1: Moo notes that “the ancient household was often far larger than our typical modern ‘nuclear family, including…older children (and sometimes their spouses) as well as domestic slaves.” (308). Many consider it valid to use this passage to teach about the workplace (cf. Ephesians 6:5-9). So, what does the workplace look like when Jesus reigns? Let me share five ideas. 

First, our work (like parenting) should be Christ-centered (fear the Lord, work heartily for the Lord, we are serving the Lord) (3:22-23). Wright observes: “The task may appear unimportant or trivial, but the person doing it is never that, and he or she has the opportunity to turn the job into an act of worship.” (149-150) 

Second, we are called to be diligent and faithful workers (3:22-23). Like children who obey their parent, we too are to “obey in everything,” We should work with sincere hearts, not as “people-pleasers,” or only when people can see us working. 

Third, although bondservants could not inherit property, Paul teaches that their faithfulness testifies to a future “inheritance” (eternal, heavenly) (3:24). Fourth, Christians should not expect our bosses and managers (“masters”) to show us favoritism for any incompetence (3:25).

Fifth, masters (bosses and managers) should not take advantage, mistreat, or abuse their workers. Rather, the workplace must also be Christ-centered: Bosses and managers must treat their workers “justly and fairly” because they also have a “Master in heaven.” (4:1) Moo notes that “Christian slave owners [bosses and managers] need to remember that they are answerable to a higher master, the Lord Jesus.” (317) 

1. Why is submission a difficult command to follow? 

2. Why do you think that Paul exhorts wives to submit to their husbands? (3:18) How does Ephesians 5:22-24 provide additional insight? What’s the role of a husband in this context?

3. To what extent are husbands called to love their wives? (3:19) What does Ephesians 5:25-30 teach about this truth?

4. Paul also instructs children to obey their parents and parents (fathers) to not provoke their children (vs. 20-21). What makes these two principles essential for a good relationship between parents and children?  

5. The largest portion of this passage deals with a “theology of work.” (3:22-4:1) Identify several key principles for honoring and glorifying God in the workplace.  

6. How can the gospel bring renewal to our marriages, families, and work?

7. How does Jesus reign in 3:18-4:1? How can these truths make a difference in our lives?